Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
