Jerry, you need to find god
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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