TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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