Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize