So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
