You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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