I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
