I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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