Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
