woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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