Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wow bdsm is so cute
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
