hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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