he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
