The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
