Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize