Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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