This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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