I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
