I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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