Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
