Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
