gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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