Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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