Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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