hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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