Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
