yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
