So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
