He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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