There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
