She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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