Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize