He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she looked like the before picture.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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