Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
