do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
