I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
