margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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