Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
