don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
