I could have mohawked her pubes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
