Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All the doctor said was why
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
there is glitter all over my balls
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
