i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
