he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
