I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
