saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize