Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
