I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
