i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
foreskin is a definite game changer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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