like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
