I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
