hotel room ftw
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
