There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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