Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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