Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
