nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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