the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
