I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
