come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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