What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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