can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
