Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
