i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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