Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
