insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
