That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
