My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Be still, my beating vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
