life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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