Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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