Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
