he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
