Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
