Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize