When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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