All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
