I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
