eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
