I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
