If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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