Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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