And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
