If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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