Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
