im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
