Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
