If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
