While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
