It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
