This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
