Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
