Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
