Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
