woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
