I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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