my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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