What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
