I swear she didn't look like that last week.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
is that a dick in a sweater?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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