You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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