I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
