The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
