U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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