If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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