Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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